Sunday, December 14, 2008

Russian of The Month Part 2

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Ok so as promised you guys are getting a Russian of the month. Yes he's a hockey player. No he's not a Canadien, he doesn't even live in Canada BAHA, OK that wasn't even a little funny, like not at all, anyways so since you've been so patient and the Canadiens are playing so shitty, i decided to seek sanctuary in a nicer kinder place, the Ottawa Washington game, since I'm slightly obsessed with the stats for the whole league, i want Washington to LOSE, LOSE LIKE LOSERS!!! I really only feel that way because of the stats, i actually like the Capitals more then the Senators. So my Russian of the month is SERGEI FEDOROV. BOOM!



So i like pictures of Russians Pointing, So what. Highest scoring Russian born player ever, that's right boys and girls ever. This Pskov born 39 year old, is the bomb. Standing 6'2 weighing in a 206 pounds. He's dated many hot bitchez, well "hot bitches". He shoots with his left he's a center and a sexy. Born in Pskov in 1969 his mother Mama Fedorov birthed this fine piece of amazing hockey playing ass i mean hockey playing man, yes man. so much man. WOOO!!!! He is active in charities around Michigan and Russian FACT!

He's a super Hero FACT!! Well...He provided a children's hospital in Moscow with a dialysis machine which in turn saved lives which pretty much makes him a super hero

He Excels on the ice and off, If you know what I'm saying FACT Anna Kournikova, Tara Reid he hit that and now he might have Vd from the latter but you take that rish when you have sex with skanky womens even when they look as good as though two do.

He's won 3 Cups FACT! all 3 with Detroit in 1997, 1998 and 2002

He makes $4,000,000, He loves music, golf, travel, tennis boating and boning

He is Russian of The Month
one of many Russians of my wet dreams.

Friday, December 12, 2008

@#%$&%^(*&^($%^@#$#$^*$%

FUCK!!!!!
So what do the Montreal Canadiens do after they play one of their shittiest games this season? and thats saying alot because the habs have been less Anti Climatic then a nursing home without the habs beloved sponsor Viagra. Anyways what do the boys do right after that lack off climax?
They all get fuckin hurt.

WHAT THE FUCK

Virgin Mother Carey Price? he's a baby la la he probably has a cold. What a little bitch, take some fuckin vitamins. I bet if a stripper came over he would be too sick for that, But no sex before marriage he is the virgin mother, only blow jobs.

Dandy? He has good reason for being out and uhm aaa "Mad Props" to him for finishing the period with a broken arm, Thats how big boys do it Harey Carey.

Sak aka Richu aka Kovi? He's fuckin gone too, foot injury, what a delicate little flower this one is eh? Oh i hurt my foot a few times, i lost my eye. Suck it up get a new eyeball. I'm definitely held back from adding the Cancer in there but what do you think i am? Satan? no way he plays for Pittsburgh HA, ok that wasn't funny.

Higgy Smalls? He's fuckin gone for whats speculated to be something like 6 weeks FUCK, although one o my favorite guys on the team for reasons like if he could change his name it would be Jean Claude Van damn or He like Wu Tang (thats a huge plus) or he would be a kola if any animal, to be quite frank, he got a hat trick dedicated it to his mum and then hasnt done all that much since. Sorry Sue.

B.J Laraque? Thinking its B.G not B.J, well if you ask anyone Blow jobs rank way higher then Big George, plus he pretty much has been doling out the blowjobs rather then the pain anyways so fuck it he's B.J Laraque. He's out for a groin injury, probably blue balls from all that dick sucking and he hasnt gotten anything in return. Fuck i hate him, what a waste of a spot on the roster.

Komisauras? HE'S SKATING AGAIN. MAYBE HE'LL BE BACK. I MISS HIM AND THE SWISS MISTER BUT WE CAN ONLY GET ONE OF THOSE BOYS BACK INTO MY LIFE SO KOMI COME BACK.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I Miss YOUUUUUU

So I'm just gonna put it out there i miss Streit, I miss him real bad. This morning one of the kids in my mums daycare came up to me and said plate and all i heard was streit, i was saddened due to my pure missment for him(yeah i made up missment) and impressed that a 2 year old knew who Streit was so i says to her Miranda I miss Streit too, When i snapped out of my Streit daze i realised she was talking about a plate and i was disappointed and felt kinda dumb, in my defence (Oh Streit plays defence) It was 7am i haven't had any caffeine yet and she has a weird lispy 2 year old kinda voice. I miss Streit, Fuckin islanders no one even likes them. I have dreams of him coming back and professing his love for us cause we're so special and so damn hot. Watching us play the Islanders is like watching your best friend cheat on his wife but with less nudity, unless your in Lilly's head hockey is all nudity all the time her head, I'm definitely partially making that up.


Look at him, He looks dashing in Bleu-Blanc-Rouge, We need him back in our lives, but you just don't know what you got till its gone. Now i know alot of people feel this way about Souray but funk him. Streit is where its at, just ask 2 year old Miranda she missed his lack of eyebrow,Swiss, defence goodness. As I'm writing this blog entry the song Baby Come Back by Player is playing in my head and hopefully in your head too, wondering how you might know this song its definitely in a swiffer commercial.I just want him back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


fuck you Rhode Island, Who even likes the Islanders and who ever wear Orange and Blue together?? Rhode Island and Edmonton and fuck then anyways and fuck Souray!!!!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

BLAHHH

And the Oscar for most pathetic win goes to????......................Oh shit the Habs. I know i should be all yay the won blah blah blah blah, but guess what? I'm not. Hypothetically speaking here if a team is ranked 5th in a league should they be able to beat a team this 29th oh that's right only one spot from the bottom?? Well guess what that was not hypothetical we are 5th and the thrashers are 29th. WHAT THE FUCK???? I mean yeah at the time we were only 7th and that win did shoot us up two spots, which is great because hey I'm obsessed with the stats like it might be a problem. I'm possibly seeking out H.S.A "Hockey Stats Anonymous". So Baby Kostitsyn, Tenderness and O'Bryne in the press box...................................Scandalous. Baby Kostitsyn needs to smarten the fack up, or else he's gonna find himself in the juniors, he's too damn sexy for the Juniors. Daggy is going well i like that lil guy, Price? seriously dude pay attention I still has a soft spot for you duder and i still like Halak alot better but Pricey i likes you, not that you'd be caught dead reading our blawg there is no Garth Brookes here and blawgs without Garth are so passe, duhhhhh. Back to hockey, So this game was absolutly pathetic, win won and I was still embarrassed. For almost 2/3rds of the game i thought Carey was gonna get another shut out and then he let 3 goals in less then 3 minutes, way to go virgin mother, letting them all up in your sacred spot aka the crease. AND and goalie interference?? LAPIERRE fuuuuuuuucccccckkkk Tangy fuckin works hard gets a goal and you're trying to diddle the goalie seconds before he get a goal but really assholes that was no goalie interference we deserved that goal you fuck heads. I think i should stop swearing in here and starting have more structure, who am i kidding i definitely won't be. WE won so it was a good game in that sense but boy oh boy was it pathetic. We did play pretty dece for the first 2/3rds of the game not up to our potential but y'know this game should of been a shut out for Price .Koivu aka Raichu has been leaving me disappointed, maybe i'm expecting too much for the captin of a team, y'know skating well, passing and maybe even scoring goals....WOAH what kind of a captin does that jezze.Kofalef as RDS calls him has been well, lets just say he's had a permanent brain fart this season, but his brain fart only happens on the ice, he can still take credit for all work of the young guys on the ice, I still love him though he's part of all my Russians and currently RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH, Oh what an honour.I'm possibly the worst habs fan ever i make fun of the palyers and talks shit, but y'know when non habs fans talk shit i am all up in their grill throwing stats and history and all that yummy goodness in their stupid idiot face . Ima leave you on a high note with this little declaration, Daggy i loves you for now............

Monday, December 1, 2008

Holy F@#$ We Winned

so after our lovely lovely loss giving Theo a shut out, THEO!!! THEO ARE YOU FUNKING KIDDING ME!!!!@#@#$%#$^ The ass who I'm not sure if you caught this but was all ima wave like I'm the fucking queen why because you got shut out, The virgin mother did do that when he got one this season and guess what?? HE"S BETTER THEN YOU THEO, you're just our sloppy seconds, I'm so bitter. I just liking winning and more buts, i just like hear TIRE ET LA BUT!!! it makes me happy, oh so very happy unless its on Carey or Jaroslav especially on Jaroslav, i love that lil'guy. So much goalie talk. Ovechkin kinda killed our faces off not even he only got 2 goals but seriously he should of just scored the third goal and got himself a hat trick i mean the man did sing the Russian national anthem on t.v, in a cute oh so lovely voice. Man i love Russians. Back the time we won, and not the time we didn't. So the sabers might of made us smoke their poles last time we played them but this time it was our players who were getting their poles smoked by the sabers, and it felt sooooooooooooo good, not only do i love Russian but im also quite the perv dammit. So we won and it was beautiful except for Baby Kostitsyn aka Tits, well he got a few uncalled for penalties and it may or may not had given the sabers their first goal, ok ok it did and yeah he was actin a fool. I wish he got fighting box time cause then i would of needed to change my undies.......FACT. OK I'm going to quit before this turns into a short piece of creative fiction. Here is a picture of us scoring. GAME DAY TOMORROW

Thursday, November 27, 2008

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Ok so beautiful big win against the good wings, right. Well is was beautiful in a world peace, i can have all the Russians i want, blood on the ice, no more Lapierre kinda way. But during this beaut o a win well kids we're lost a very key players yeah boys and girls I'm talking about Alex " Tangy" Tanguay, so I'd like to send out a big Fuck you to Brad Stuart, Tangy is out with a neck injury because well all of our players like injuries.......ALOT. So Next on our list of sweet baby angels that got funked up on Wednesday is none other then i scored my first goal of the season on Monday Gorgeous Josh Gorges, i swear that's his name on his birth certificate. Well Gorges got a shot off the knee from Lidstrom who im not gonna send a big fuck out too cause i kinda like him. i like him so much more since we beat him too BAHAHAHAHAHA.Kofalef might also be out which is as sad as losing a boner not that i would know since well i dont get boners but i would imagine. Detroit really fucked us in the ass. Hopefully we kick Washingtons dirty asses. Or y'know we'll just have to sick Detroit on them. What the fuck is up with Detroit being a part of the western conference, I vote we trade Toronto to the western conference for Detroit all in favor say I................................I!!!!!!!

Monday, November 24, 2008

RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH

So if you've read our little mini bios over on the side you will know that i Lyndsey Elizabeth love, love, loves them damn Russians. Well i love all Eastern Europeans but Russian of the month sounds better and since they dominate the NHL it won't be too hard to have a new Russian of the month and you know damn right when i start to run out I'll just change it tp eastern European of the month......why? because i can, its my blog not yours na,na,na,na,na,na!!!!!


So here we go the first installment of the Russian of the month club. If you have ideas, comment, or want a membership please email me for the rule regulations and cost of being a part of this sexy sexy fan club, these sexay things don't come cheap. Like hookers, or women.......same difference really though. BAHAHAHAH.


ALEXEI KOVALEV


Standing 6'1 and weighing in at 215. This loveable little guy was born in Togliatti, Russia.
Born on Feb 24, 1973, He's a beautiful 35 years young. Now he ranks number 94 in scoring in the NHL and although that is not as magical of a number as oh say B.J Laraques who is currently at number 680, Kovi is still a fan fav. Its time for fun facts about Kovi If you've ever sat down on your couch and wondered "What the heck is Alexei Kovalevs favorite smell?" well don't fear i am here to tell you that he loves the smell of kabobs on the Barbeque, His favorite concert you ask why that's easy Depeche Mode which is all of this mocking is a funking awesome band, Now Ladies he makes $4,500,000 a season and thinks jewellery, Yes jewellery is the way to a women's heart........what a catch. For all of these lovely reason and because he's I figure my first Russian of the month should of played for the Habs and should of been well actually Russian, That's why Alexei is Fan Fav RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH.

The Reach Around

So we have another sexually tantalizing moment in habs hockey history brought to you in part by the Habutante Ball, and the photographers in habs inside out.


Kovfalef saw the pure love between Komi and Lucic and he wanted in on it. He wanted Milan to hold, and love and squeeze him all night long. He just wanted to feel the tender touch of someone and Milan was it. Now this a rare and sexy thing caught here on film..............................I bring you



KOVIE FEELS UP LUCIC, HOW DEVIOUSLY SEXY RIGHT? RIGHT? ............GUYS?




*DRUM ROLL PLEASEEEE*


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

What The Puck?

Dear Montreal Canadiens
I have a few comments of note for you, I'm not saying you gotta take them I'm just saying they might help you out.I'll add pictures for the dumber ones or just the ones whose first language isn't English aka everyone but Higgy, Komi,Kostopoulos,O'byrne and Carey aka the virgin mother Carey Price.
Most of you know that you're on ice, for those of you who don't know I'm looking at you Lapierre, its not much much like asphalt or dirt, its a little more slippery. I'm gonna display a photo of what the ice you'll be on looks like, pay close attention
Next order of business Skates, you use these bad boys on the ice to get around and not fall on your ass, I'm still looking at you Lapierre. Just y'know skate with these damn skates ok so this part needs working on but you get the point. Lapierre can't skate. For reference these are skates



Look at this right here, this is a puck get to know it very well, its one of you're best friends.



Guess what??
You're going to put the puck it in one of these things right down there in that picture, It's called a net. just y'know don't put it in the net of the guy wearing the same shirt as you or else Chuck Norris will come and steal your soul .see that right below this sentence it's a net, say it with me boys n-e-t.

OK so now that we covered ice, skates, pucks and nets we're gonna talk about you're number one tool on the ice other then you're body it's called a hockey stick, you use this handy dandy little thing well unless your Chara and then its a handy dandy giant thing but anyways you use a hockey stick to put the puck in the net. now I'm gonna show you a hockey stick since you guys done seem to know what they are cause you keep fuckin loosing them so here goes i behold sweet boys the hockey stick

Ok boys now that we have the basics of hockey oh yeah i forgot to tell you, that's the game you guys are supposed to be playing HOCKEY, rather then oh i don't know standing on the ice playing school yard games like red rover.

We have the basics down of what you need to be doing on the damn ice.Ice, Skates, hockey stick, puck, net. Use the hockey stick to put the puck in the net. should look like this

I realise getting the puck in the net is well hard for you, like harder then a teenage boy watching porn for the first time, but uhm listen just try it out for size. Well i hope sarcastic hockey tips with Lyndsey Elizabeth Has been as good for you as it has for me..........until next time aka you're next fuck up.