He's baaaaaack

So you all should remember how distraught i was when Les Canadien fired the lovely Guy Carboner, Well ladies and gents i am so happy to report i will see him every Saturday Les Canadiens play a game he is not working for HOCKEY NIGHT IN CANADA!!!!! ahhhh so excited!!!!! so many exclamation marks!!!!!!! Its Carboner time baby.

Now i must say even though he will be a hockey analyst of sorts i will always miss carbo and his lovely faces he always made and his fantastic suit choices after makeover 08 ( some one got a stylist) and depending on how Martin does i might even miss his coaching style but never ever will i miss his line juggling. Seriously though who won't miss this face and those 2 faces on the bottom...........Le Sigh!!!




HOCKEYNIGHT IN CARBONER TOWN!!!

In Gainey We Fail!!!

Ok so last season was something to be embarrassed over, point taken yes?


So when then end of the season came along and we got a new coach that i was less then pleased with but i thought to myself give it time he maybe he great and unlike my favourite frenchie Carboner he has NHL experience in coaching that is.

So then Gillet sells Les Canadien and Centre Bell and I'm thinking maybe they bring some fun into the mix in the form of a new GM, maybe possible one who does not have a face with so much extra skin a family of squirrels could burrow in. Oh and you know one who can actually put together a cup winning team, those 2 are really all i ask. But did i get that?? hmmmm nope

Lets see then we trade Higgins which was sad to me but not for hockey reasons just because i truly love Higgins , but good and funny people don't make wonderful players. Although must say i thought he actually was starting to find his place and shape up at the end of season. So we trade Higgy and what do we bring in?? Now since the dawn on time Les Canadiens have need a large center and you're thinking "Duh that's obviously what Gainey did"........ Fuckity no!!!
Everyones favourite GM decided to make the team smaller when it seems everyone on our division is getting bigger and tough obviously that's what we need and he brings in that lovely man Gomez Oy Vey!!!!

Also Komisarek is gone which i was expecting but i didn't expect him to be a total scum bag and play from the most disgusting team ever, Ugh the leafs!!! Well i certainly hopes he likes getting the beat down from midgets because that's what he's getting


Obviously in Gainey we Trust!!

What a Hunk Of Junk

I seriously cannot stand Laraques.

You might thing Carey Price is my least favorite Hab, But if you thought that........You thought like an idiot. I can assure you that Laraques is my last favorite player, Fuck him.

He's useless. I know all kinds of french folk will be knocking on my door, wanting to lynch me, burning down my house and all kinds of other shit because for some dumb ass reason they fuckin like him.
Why?
maybe its his inability to skate?
maybe its his inability to stick handle?
maybe its his inability to score any goals?
maybe its his bullshit code, that allows him to fight, oh no one?

He is our only player that isn't a call up from Hamilton to not get a goal, He's a forward. Now I'm not a Little Miss Hockey know it all, i still have room to learn new things like what the dude in the penalty box does, but to the best of my knowledge don't forwards usually oh i don't know score goals??

Now i know we didn't get stuck with this useless player for three year because he's an epic goal scorer, but because he fights or something. From what I've seen Stewart and Henry are far Superior players, they skate better, they stick handle better, they have no bullshit codes, and they may have not scored in the Canadiens but both Stewart and Henry have scored goals with the Bulldogs 7 and 2 goals respectively.

He's so useless, such a waste of a spot on our roster, a waste of fucking money and hes always fucking hurt. He's only played 28 games this season, But Dandenault has only played 3 more games and has 5 points and he's a fuckin D-man.



Laraques, What a Hunk Of Junk

There goes the play offs.............

So the only good thing about Carboner being gone is well now Higgins is actually doing stuff, kinda, alittle, sorta. As i watch the canadiens get dominated by the senators like they're in a sexy dungeon of sorts i can't help but think think, Looks like Carbo wasn't the problem huh?

If the players don't wanna win, they're not going to win.

When i watch these games and have mini conniption fits over them, i realise that yes there are a few key players who do give it their all and they really wanna win, Hell some of these players are even guys at the beginning of the season i really didn't like Ahem Tenderness.

A team that seems to be sinking faster then the Titanic you really get a chance to see who wants to win and who just wants their paycheck. Guys like Kostopolous, Latendress, Lapierre, Plekanec, Tanguay and yes guys on occasion i see Higgins really trying although then he reverts back to useless Higgins at least he has spurts of time when he actually tried unlike the other permanent narcoleptic on the team.

I miss Lang so much and so often. He could skate, He could stick handle, He could score goals, He could have great hair and an infectious smile. What a man.

This team is playing pathetic, i can't even say much more then that.
There is no passion, no determination, no nothing. Thank got i still have the Capitals and Evgeni Malkin.

Could the problem be Gainey? Kovalev? Price? Injury? Lack Of Dedication? All of The Mention?

I'm too tired, too sick and too sick and tired of this bull to give a further analysis. I'll still watch the games and still be delusional and think we might win but the truth is we're looking more and more like we should be on the bottom of the east rather then the islanders who we couldn't even beat, Oh Streit.

Oh Hey Captain

So let me start out by saying, My faith in Koivu is restored. After his injury i was very blah about him and now i feel like a born again, he's restored my faith in our fine captain, speaking of restoring faith Carey Price is starting to look like the goal tender most people in this city absolutely adore, I am still very partial to Halak, who better be getting his fine Slovakian ass back in that net. Although the one thing Carey has that Jaroslav does not have? GARTH MOTHER FUNKIN BROOKS. There is just something about the sweet tricked out Garth Brooks helmet that i just love it. The second period was horrible we were out shot and i thought to myself many time........Defense? what defense?? do we have one of those? what is this defense you speak of?? All i know is Gainey better whip these boys into shape with the help of the man I'd now like to call Lever 2000, A great addition i think since he's worked with most of team anyhow and got them to produce some pretty great things, He even got a few of these guys the Calder Cup guys like D'Agostini, Chipchura,Lapierre, Both Kostitsyn Brothers, O'Byrne, and yes even lil baby Carey Price. So it's safe to say he knows how to work with these boys he has a fine understanding on what works for them, what gets them motivated what makes them tick. He communicates with them as does Bob, where as Carboner apparently just did not deliver in that sense. Back to the game though. Shall we? I swear to the sweet little baby Jesus that they were trying to eliminate Tanguay, they were all "Hey dudes, Y'know like i heard that like Tanguay like just, uhhhhhm ohh yeah like he just like got back.......and stuff. Let's totally hurt him and make him like cry and like cut his face up with skates and stuff". Cut his face up they did, Cause him to need stitches they did, Stop him from scoring? Oh bitch no they didn't. And score he did. The game in a whole wasn't all that bad, we've had worse this season and i can no longer put the blame on Price who i still think is S'in D's in his spare time, just a thought.

I don't think i was ever happier to play against and beat a former team mate as i was to see the Canadiens crush Souray, If the second period wouldn't of went to shit it would of been a clean-ish win for us, I can tell you this much if Halak was in nets it would of definetly been a clean win. At this point in the season who am i to complain about a win right? a win if a motha funkin win. The east is a real tight race, The Canadiens need to stop being as emotional as a teenage girl whose boyfriend just broke up with her and called her ugly and shes on her period, Although can i really be pointing fingers at them when its people like me who make it so damn difficult to play hockey in this city, All well that's life if you're a Montreal Canadien.


Oh P.S
never chant OLE,OLE,OLE.
i heard that if you do that a short red head will punch you in the nose.

Hey Hey Hey Good Bye

He had to of seen it coming right?
There is no way he's surprised with this.
It's not like Gainey was whispering sweet nothings in his ear, Telling him he's the one, He's one and only right?

Now if you reflect on that past few games, anyone in right mind would say fire the mofo.
Give him the boot, this guys is wack. He don't know jack about how to be a coach.
He doesn't have his shit together and at this point in the season he is still heavily juggling lines, fuckin putting Carey in nets when Halak who can actually win a game is no longer ill. Playing a fuckin 4th line on a penalty kill with like 4 minutes left in a period given that was a while ago still.

How does a man who was nominated for coach of the year last year and was assistant coach on the winning all star team get fired? Well son ima gonna tell yous all about it.

Alls the way in Montreal Canada there is this mystical creature called a Priceasaurous and he's an enigma, He has mad ninja skill but is very sparing in who and when he will use them, When you'll need him the most he'll throw you a big fuck you, and sometimes just sometimes when you least expect it he'll make you praise the lord. Now these days Priceasaurous sightings are very rare although he's been seen all over North America usually disguised as a cowboy.

There is one man who until today regulated Priceasaruous sightings, He went by the name of Guy Carboner or Carbonneau, depends who you're asking really. He is a man of many amazing faces, my personal favorite is the " holy fucking shit we took another bullshit penalty i'm so angry i can only laugh and smile or else i'd shoot a bitch" face. He's won 3 Stanley Cups and unlike some other Canadiens players of his time *cough* breezer*cough* he knew how to retire gracefully from playing hockey. Guy Carboner you shall be missed or at least you crazy faces and being able ot say boner while watching hockey without being too heavily questioned. I don't think i shall ever again be able ti discuss with people how the coach looks like your creepy uncle who isn't really your uncle but more so a family friend that you'd have sex with, never again........



This ones for you Carboner

And Then There Was Pleks

So this game starts and i think im not gonna miss Halak as much as i though right , Then i see Carey and it made me realise how huge his pads are and i though heavy flow day? Less talk about tampax more talking about hockey. The first period of this game had our boy doing what they should be always doing especially when Carey is in nets, keeping the puck out of our zone, creating scoring opportunities, ok now we probably should of scored yeah that would of completed the things the habs should be doing every night, we made good use of our power play even if we didn't score they still looked good, and then i guess Carey's love for sucking dick over came him and he was like listen biatchs i want in on this game and they were all you want in and he was all i want in. So Carey gets in on the game and being that Carey is involved with Lindy Ruff or Ruff Rider as i like to call him, Well boys and girl Carey decided his undying love for dick, more importantly Ruff Riders dick was more important then winning, Damn you Halak for being sick. Also what happened to Chris Higgins? he used to be pretty dece and he's seem to of been lost somewhere along the way. Possible in the sea so semen Carey Price has left everywhere from his very illicit deep throating activities that right Ive taken it to the next level he doesn't just suck dicks he deep throats but doesn't swallow what a pansy. Halak needs a candy striper, i shall volunteer although with Prices activities he should might work better, if only he swallowed. Thank the sweet baby Jesus for Turtleplek though since without him we would of given buffalo s shut out. After the first Pleks was the only one who did something and got results except for Carey who was just S'in D's on our side which is something i suppose.Funk that shite.

We lost to a team who shut out by the islanders.......THE ISLANDERS

number 30 in the NHL. poor Strieter.

The hockey gods are laughing at us and punishing us for price not swallowing

Thanks Carey!!!!

The Wagon Is Here

Here at the Habutante Ball we've been Halak supporters from the start. When everyone was all "Oh he's trade bait", "Price is better", "Boo Halak", "He's too foreign blah blah blah blah............"
Well we are here to let you jump on the band wagon. Halak is amazing. We like him better then Price, we have since the begging of the season. Since he's been winning games with Halak We're here to announce the Halak Wagon is here you're more then welcome to jump on since half the city has already, way to stand by your man assholes.

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT

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WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'M

I Lyndsey Elizabeth am a horrible blogger, i have some catching up to do, i shall 2 not one but 2 Russian on the month posts, why you ask? because i love Russians and random facts and truth be told i really love blogging even if i have lately been terrible at it. In case you were thinking to yourself, "Hey where the funk is this chick? shes been gone for a while. I want my MTV i mean my Habs Blogging" well i will be telling you children i have been first i decided to try put life a gimp, i thought to myself i wonder what life would be like if every time i walked it hurt like hell, So i got right in there and tried it out, it was pretty shitty. So then i tried out being sick for 2 months and with school that was a hard one to balance but i figured it out, and now I'm currently trying out having a killer tooth ache. But enough about me being a little baby la la bitch. This blog is about hockies and sarcasm and hockey and Russians. so many Russians. So to sum up hockey since I've last blogged We played like shit, We played great, And now we're playing pretty decently. Now i know people are all wah wah Kovalev is lazy, Kovalev is narcoleptic, Kovalev is a Russian spy. But when we were doing great who was also doing great that's right biatches KOFALEF!!! as they call him on rds. I'm not saying he's not lazy, narcoleptic, gives the puck to anyone who inquires about it, im not even saying he's not a spy. all im saying is when kovalev plays, HE FUCKIN PLAYS. The man is an amazing stick handler and he handles his stick with tender loving care. Big daddy Kostitsyn is on FIRE, FIRE.................So much FIRE. I am loving the Tits brother plus Lang line Carboner is currently rocking, it actually gives me a boner, i may not have a penis but it even gives me a boner, Random fact half the Belorussians in the NHL play on that line. FACT!! Fuck its been so long there is so much to say and it so late for me to even say it. Remember how we killed Grabovski and his band of merry men, i loved it. Can't say we had such luck with Tim Thomas and his boys from the hood but s'all good. We'll get them when Lucic is back and Komisarus will make him CRY, Seriously when Komi is done with him i see bonnets and pacifiers and diapers in his future, Sexy? right?........right? So we've lost 2 this month, The Virgin Mother Carey Price is still out, Halak is doing good. I love Halak and it has nothing to do with his Eastern Europeaness, I promise. But it funkin Helps. It helps so much that i capitalized the H in Helps. He's been doing great since Carey has been hurt. It's late I've got nothing else. I'll blog about tomorrows game. Peace out

Russian of The Month Part 2

.
Ok so as promised you guys are getting a Russian of the month. Yes he's a hockey player. No he's not a Canadien, he doesn't even live in Canada BAHA, OK that wasn't even a little funny, like not at all, anyways so since you've been so patient and the Canadiens are playing so shitty, i decided to seek sanctuary in a nicer kinder place, the Ottawa Washington game, since I'm slightly obsessed with the stats for the whole league, i want Washington to LOSE, LOSE LIKE LOSERS!!! I really only feel that way because of the stats, i actually like the Capitals more then the Senators. So my Russian of the month is SERGEI FEDOROV. BOOM!



So i like pictures of Russians Pointing, So what. Highest scoring Russian born player ever, that's right boys and girls ever. This Pskov born 39 year old, is the bomb. Standing 6'2 weighing in a 206 pounds. He's dated many hot bitchez, well "hot bitches". He shoots with his left he's a center and a sexy. Born in Pskov in 1969 his mother Mama Fedorov birthed this fine piece of amazing hockey playing ass i mean hockey playing man, yes man. so much man. WOOO!!!! He is active in charities around Michigan and Russian FACT!

He's a super Hero FACT!! Well...He provided a children's hospital in Moscow with a dialysis machine which in turn saved lives which pretty much makes him a super hero

He Excels on the ice and off, If you know what I'm saying FACT Anna Kournikova, Tara Reid he hit that and now he might have Vd from the latter but you take that rish when you have sex with skanky womens even when they look as good as though two do.

He's won 3 Cups FACT! all 3 with Detroit in 1997, 1998 and 2002

He makes $4,000,000, He loves music, golf, travel, tennis boating and boning

He is Russian of The Month
one of many Russians of my wet dreams.

@#%$&%^(*&^($%^@#$#$^*$%

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I Miss YOUUUUUU

So I'm just gonna put it out there i miss Streit, I miss him real bad. This morning one of the kids in my mums daycare came up to me and said plate and all i heard was streit, i was saddened due to my pure missment for him(yeah i made up missment) and impressed that a 2 year old knew who Streit was so i says to her Miranda I miss Streit too, When i snapped out of my Streit daze i realised she was talking about a plate and i was disappointed and felt kinda dumb, in my defence (Oh Streit plays defence) It was 7am i haven't had any caffeine yet and she has a weird lispy 2 year old kinda voice. I miss Streit, Fuckin islanders no one even likes them. I have dreams of him coming back and professing his love for us cause we're so special and so damn hot. Watching us play the Islanders is like watching your best friend cheat on his wife but with less nudity, unless your in Lilly's head hockey is all nudity all the time her head, I'm definitely partially making that up.

Look at him, He looks dashing in Bleu-Blanc-Rouge, We need him back in our lives, but you just don't know what you got till its gone. Now i know alot of people feel this way about Souray but funk him. Streit is where its at, just ask 2 year old Miranda she missed his lack of eyebrow,Swiss, defence goodness. As I'm writing this blog entry the song Baby Come Back by Player is playing in my head and hopefully in your head too, wondering how you might know this song its definitely in a swiffer commercial.I just want him back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


fuck you Rhode Island, Who even likes the Islanders and who ever wear Orange and Blue together?? Rhode Island and Edmonton and fuck then anyways and fuck Souray!!!!!

BLAHHH

And the Oscar for most pathetic win goes to????......................Oh shit the Habs. I know i should be all yay the won blah blah blah blah, but guess what? I'm not. Hypothetically speaking here if a team is ranked 5th in a league should they be able to beat a team this 29th oh that's right only one spot from the bottom?? Well guess what that was not hypothetical we are 5th and the thrashers are 29th. WHAT THE FUCK???? I mean yeah at the time we were only 7th and that win did shoot us up two spots, which is great because hey I'm obsessed with the stats like it might be a problem. I'm possibly seeking out H.S.A "Hockey Stats Anonymous". So Baby Kostitsyn, Tenderness and O'Bryne in the press box...................................Scandalous. Baby Kostitsyn needs to smarten the fack up, or else he's gonna find himself in the juniors, he's too damn sexy for the Juniors. Daggy is going well i like that lil guy, Price? seriously dude pay attention I still has a soft spot for you duder and i still like Halak alot better but Pricey i likes you, not that you'd be caught dead reading our blawg there is no Garth Brookes here and blawgs without Garth are so passe, duhhhhh. Back to hockey, So this game was absolutly pathetic, win won and I was still embarrassed. For almost 2/3rds of the game i thought Carey was gonna get another shut out and then he let 3 goals in less then 3 minutes, way to go virgin mother, letting them all up in your sacred spot aka the crease. AND and goalie interference?? LAPIERRE fuuuuuuuucccccckkkk Tangy fuckin works hard gets a goal and you're trying to diddle the goalie seconds before he get a goal but really assholes that was no goalie interference we deserved that goal you fuck heads. I think i should stop swearing in here and starting have more structure, who am i kidding i definitely won't be. WE won so it was a good game in that sense but boy oh boy was it pathetic. We did play pretty dece for the first 2/3rds of the game not up to our potential but y'know this game should of been a shut out for Price .Koivu aka Raichu has been leaving me disappointed, maybe i'm expecting too much for the captin of a team, y'know skating well, passing and maybe even scoring goals....WOAH what kind of a captin does that jezze.Kofalef as RDS calls him has been well, lets just say he's had a permanent brain fart this season, but his brain fart only happens on the ice, he can still take credit for all work of the young guys on the ice, I still love him though he's part of all my Russians and currently RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH, Oh what an honour.I'm possibly the worst habs fan ever i make fun of the palyers and talks shit, but y'know when non habs fans talk shit i am all up in their grill throwing stats and history and all that yummy goodness in their stupid idiot face . Ima leave you on a high note with this little declaration, Daggy i loves you for now............

Holy F@#$ We Winned

so after our lovely lovely loss giving Theo a shut out, THEO!!! THEO ARE YOU FUNKING KIDDING ME!!!!@#@#$%#$^ The ass who I'm not sure if you caught this but was all ima wave like I'm the fucking queen why because you got shut out, The virgin mother did do that when he got one this season and guess what?? HE"S BETTER THEN YOU THEO, you're just our sloppy seconds, I'm so bitter. I just liking winning and more buts, i just like hear TIRE ET LA BUT!!! it makes me happy, oh so very happy unless its on Carey or Jaroslav especially on Jaroslav, i love that lil'guy. So much goalie talk. Ovechkin kinda killed our faces off not even he only got 2 goals but seriously he should of just scored the third goal and got himself a hat trick i mean the man did sing the Russian national anthem on t.v, in a cute oh so lovely voice. Man i love Russians. Back the time we won, and not the time we didn't. So the sabers might of made us smoke their poles last time we played them but this time it was our players who were getting their poles smoked by the sabers, and it felt sooooooooooooo good, not only do i love Russian but im also quite the perv dammit. So we won and it was beautiful except for Baby Kostitsyn aka Tits, well he got a few uncalled for penalties and it may or may not had given the sabers their first goal, ok ok it did and yeah he was actin a fool. I wish he got fighting box time cause then i would of needed to change my undies.......FACT. OK I'm going to quit before this turns into a short piece of creative fiction. Here is a picture of us scoring. GAME DAY TOMORROW

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Ok so beautiful big win against the good wings, right. Well is was beautiful in a world peace, i can have all the Russians i want, blood on the ice, no more Lapierre kinda way. But during this beaut o a win well kids we're lost a very key players yeah boys and girls I'm talking about Alex " Tangy" Tanguay, so I'd like to send out a big Fuck you to Brad Stuart, Tangy is out with a neck injury because well all of our players like injuries.......ALOT. So Next on our list of sweet baby angels that got funked up on Wednesday is none other then i scored my first goal of the season on Monday Gorgeous Josh Gorges, i swear that's his name on his birth certificate. Well Gorges got a shot off the knee from Lidstrom who im not gonna send a big fuck out too cause i kinda like him. i like him so much more since we beat him too BAHAHAHAHAHA.Kofalef might also be out which is as sad as losing a boner not that i would know since well i dont get boners but i would imagine. Detroit really fucked us in the ass. Hopefully we kick Washingtons dirty asses. Or y'know we'll just have to sick Detroit on them. What the fuck is up with Detroit being a part of the western conference, I vote we trade Toronto to the western conference for Detroit all in favor say I................................I!!!!!!!

RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH

So if you've read our little mini bios over on the side you will know that i Lyndsey Elizabeth love, love, loves them damn Russians. Well i love all Eastern Europeans but Russian of the month sounds better and since they dominate the NHL it won't be too hard to have a new Russian of the month and you know damn right when i start to run out I'll just change it tp eastern European of the month......why? because i can, its my blog not yours na,na,na,na,na,na!!!!!

So here we go the first installment of the Russian of the month club. If you have ideas, comment, or want a membership please email me for the rule regulations and cost of being a part of this sexy sexy fan club, these sexay things don't come cheap. Like hookers, or women.......same difference really though. BAHAHAHAH.

ALEXEI KOVALEV

Standing 6'1 and weighing in at 215. This loveable little guy was born in Togliatti, Russia.
Born on Feb 24, 1973, He's a beautiful 35 years young. Now he ranks number 94 in scoring in the NHL and although that is not as magical of a number as oh say B.J Laraques who is currently at number 680, Kovi is still a fan fav. Its time for fun facts about Kovi If you've ever sat down on your couch and wondered "What the heck is Alexei Kovalevs favorite smell?" well don't fear i am here to tell you that he loves the smell of kabobs on the Barbeque, His favorite concert you ask why that's easy Depeche Mode which is all of this mocking is a funking awesome band, Now Ladies he makes $4,500,000 a season and thinks jewellery, Yes jewellery is the way to a women's heart........what a catch. For all of these lovely reason and because he's I figure my first Russian of the month should of played for the Habs and should of been well actually Russian, That's why Alexei is Fan Fav RUSSIAN OF THE MONTH.

The Reach Around

So we have another sexually tantalizing moment in habs hockey history brought to you in part by the Habutante Ball, and the photographers in habs inside out.


Kovfalef saw the pure love between Komi and Lucic and he wanted in on it. He wanted Milan to hold, and love and squeeze him all night long. He just wanted to feel the tender touch of someone and Milan was it. Now this a rare and sexy thing caught here on film..............................I bring you



KOVIE FEELS UP LUCIC, HOW DEVIOUSLY SEXY RIGHT? RIGHT? ............GUYS?




*DRUM ROLL PLEASEEEE*

What The Puck?

Dear Montreal Canadiens

I have a few comments of note for you, I'm not saying you gotta take them I'm just saying they might help you out.I'll add pictures for the dumber ones or just the ones whose first language isn't English aka everyone but Higgy, Komi,Kostopoulos,O'byrne and Carey aka the virgin mother Carey Price.

Most of you know that you're on ice, for those of you who don't know I'm looking at you Lapierre, its not much much like asphalt or dirt, its a little more slippery. I'm gonna display a photo of what the ice you'll be on looks like, pay close attention
Next order of business Skates, you use these bad boys on the ice to get around and not fall on your ass, I'm still looking at you Lapierre. Just y'know skate with these damn skates ok so this part needs working on but you get the point. Lapierre can't skate. For reference these are skates



Look at this right here, this is a puck get to know it very well, its one of you're best friends.

Guess what??

You're going to put the puck it in one of these things right down there in that picture, It's called a net. just y'know don't put it in the net of the guy wearing the same shirt as you or else Chuck Norris will come and steal your soul .see that right below this sentence it's a net, say it with me boys n-e-t.

OK so now that we covered ice, skates, pucks and nets we're gonna talk about you're number one tool on the ice other then you're body it's called a hockey stick, you use this handy dandy little thing well unless your Chara and then its a handy dandy giant thing but anyways you use a hockey stick to put the puck in the net. now I'm gonna show you a hockey stick since you guys done seem to know what they are cause you keep fuckin loosing them so here goes i behold sweet boys the hockey stick

Ok boys now that we have the basics of hockey oh yeah i forgot to tell you, that's the game you guys are supposed to be playing HOCKEY, rather then oh i don't know standing on the ice playing school yard games like red rover.

We have the basics down of what you need to be doing on the damn ice.Ice, Skates, hockey stick, puck, net. Use the hockey stick to put the puck in the net. should look like this

I realise getting the puck in the net is well hard for you, like harder then a teenage boy watching porn for the first time, but uhm listen just try it out for size. Well i hope sarcastic hockey tips with Lyndsey Elizabeth Has been as good for you as it has for me..........until next time aka you're next fuck up.